The 'Stache
by SunnyLikesTea
Summary: I was just doing my job, Bossu! Those brats were picking a fight, and they took my 'stache! See!" It's short and sweet and it makes me happy. Please read and review, comments make my day.


**AN: This is short, but I thought it was a cute idea and I had fun writing it. I utterly loathe TYL!Leviathan's mustache. Don't get me wrong, I love Levi, I really do, but that mustache... Anyway, read and review, please, comments make me smile.**

**Someone write a Luss/Xanxus/Levi. I would love you so hard if you did. Uke Xanxus, please.  
**

* * *

Things are not always quiet in the Varia headquarters. To be frank, the men of the assassin squad are seldom quiet. Even at this early hour - 2:57am, Xanxus noted, sparing a tired glance to the digital clock on his night stand - the rowdy bunch were up to what sounded like no good, no good at all. The boss of said group of troublemakers was ready to turn his back on his door and pray for sleep to come once more when he heard a noise that was terribly unusual.

The deafening ring of sudden, absolute silence.

With a low, rumbling growl, Xanxus dragged himself up from his warm bed and peered out into the hallway.

The signs of a scuffle were evident, and Xanxus couldn't help but sigh with exasperation as he glared at the five men sprawled on the floor. Superbi Squalo's tousled hair, Belphegor's bloodied, swollen lip; Fran's pin cushioned back, Lussuria's cracked glasses, and a horrified Leviathan's missing mustache. Said offending clump of facial hair was now clenched between Squalo's pale fingers.

"Voooooooiiii!! You went and woke up the boss!" the shark screeched, dropped the mustache, and sprang to his feet, making a run for it before Xanxus had a chance to pelt him with the nearest sharp object. Bel, with his signature grin plastered on his face, seized Fran by the wrist and took off after the swordsman.  
"The prince denies being involved!" the knife wielding prince giggled over his shoulder. Xanxus looked down at the two remaining men, firmly gripping them by the front of their night shirts and bringing them down to eye level.  
"You have five minutes to explain exactly why you believe that it is a good idea to hold a free for all in front of my bedroom door at this hour, when I am quite obviously trying to rest after a long, demanding week of non-stop work," he hissed through gritted teeth, crimson gaze burning holes into the skulls of his unfortunate men. Lussuria adjusted his broken glasses, tittering anxiously.  
"W-well, you see, boss, darling, Levi here was standing guard by your door as he always does, a-and I heard arguing, and Bel was there waving his knives around, then mean old Squalo got involved and-"  
"Bossu, please don't hurt us! It was all done with you in mind! I love you, please don't kill me!" Levi sobbed. Xanxus rolled his eyes, silently cursing everything that was good in the world as Lussuria attempted to soothe the upset guardian, "I was just doing my job, Bossu! Those brats were picking a fight, and they took my 'stache! See?!" Leviathan pointed to his upper lip, covered in uneven tufts of bristly black hair.  
"There, there, darling. It'll grow back, you'll see!" Lussuria cooed and was promptly silenced with a sharp uppercut to the chin, "Ooh, boss, that huuurt!!"  
"Let me make one thing abundantly clear, Levi," Xanxus snarled, "Standing outside my door like a fucking stalker is most certainly _not_ your job, you understand?"  
Levi gulped nervously and nodded, his leader's breath scalding hot on his face.  
"If I hear another sound, I will blast both of your brains out, you understand?" Xanxus continued. Nods.  
"But, boss, darling, Bel, Fran, and Squalo..." Lussuria piped up and his chin once again made friends with his leader's fist.  
"They had enough sense to get away while they still had their heads. Now scram before I get angry!" Xanxus roared and scram they did, "And Levi!"  
Levi skid to a halt and turned to his boss attentively.  
"Y-yes, bossu?"  
"I swear to God, if you ever, and I mean ever grow a mustache again, I will personally tear it off hair by hair, am I clear? It was disgusting. Horrific. You look fine without it," Xanxus spat and disappeared into his room, slamming the door with impressive force, leaving Levi in the hall looking utterly stunned. Had his ears deceived him? You look fine without it.

Selective hearing can give a whole new meaning to just about anything.

Leviathan's face broke into an elated grin. He had received a compliment from his precious Bossu. Maybe not quite a compliment, but to Levi, it might as well have been a kiss. He retreated to his room, warm fuzzy feeling lulling him to sleep.

* * *

"Vooooooooiii!! Did you see that dumb look on Levi's face?!" Squalo cackled, emerging from his hiding place.  
"Ushishi! Oh, Bossu, Bossu, I love you, have my babies~!" Bel sang mockingly, puckering his lips.  
"Idiots... I think you should keep your voice down..." Fran murmured warily.  
"What? Nah! They're all gone! But seriously, he's so in love with that bastard Xanxus! God, I will never let either of them live this down!" Squalo chortled.  
"Is that a promise, trash?"  
"Ushishi! Bye bye, Squalo!" Bel giggled and raced off, dragging Fran by the hand.  
"X-xanxus...?! Wh-what are you doing with that thing?! Get away from me! VOOOOOOIIIII?!!"


End file.
